Learning to be lonely


Lonely tree

I’m at that age where practically everyone seems to be in a relationship, getting married or having babies. It’s hard not to lose sight of the season I’m in. I’m in grad school, I’m female, and I have postponed my life in the quest for a Ph.D. at the end of the day.  From the outside it’s easy to say “Make the sacrifices now, later you can do everything you want” or “Focus on your work, relationships can come after”.

But honestly after 4 years in a pseudo relationship (read: Waiting on someone, in my case someone in a whole different country) I am fed up. Honestly, waiting only works if in the mean time both parties make an effort to keep in contact, to share joys and sorrows and laughs and tears; in my case that scenario was far from the truth. Now that I’m done waiting, I’ve realized there was someone right in front of me that I fell in love with. Unfortunately, that realization came too late, for they have someone else.

Now I’m in a position where I am truly single, something that I have not been for over a decade really. And I am severely out of practice because I’ve realized I don’t know how to keep my own company. I tried to embrace my new-found single-dom by pursuing artsy-fartsy projects. It’s a temporary distraction. And that’s where I am now. I know it’s sad, but I’d appreciate suggestions on how to enjoy my own company.

On another note, I can say I’ve learnt some things from this situation:

  1. Never make your love interest your best friend/confidante. I’m not saying don’t share things with them, but if you break up or are not speaking to each other, then who do you talk to when you need someone?
  2. If you’re unsure of a choice you need to make, flip a coin. While it’s in the air you’ll probably realize where you want it to land.
  3. Ambition is good, but if it costs everything including relationships with people, it will leave you successful but lonely.
  4. Working long hours can easily cut you off from family and friends; make an effort to keep in touch.
  5. If you are heartbroken to the point where you cannot function at work/school, seek professional help ASAP. It is the beginnings of deteriorating mental health (and nothing to be ashamed about).

I know this isn’t my typical type of post. I just had to get things off my chest…


Update: Check this out… someone who indeed managed to be alone!


3 responses »

  1. It’s no easy phase but the important thing is you understand it’s a phase. Unlike most people that go through such a phase, you have highlighted points that will help ensure you don’t go through something like this again. In turn, this will assist in your road to recovery even if you believe it or not. All wounds never appear to look like they’re healing but one day you’ll look at it and realise you’ve healed so much more than you thought.

    • Thanks for your comment Charles. I know it’s a phase, a long phase, and a learning phase. I am looking forward to the day I can look back and laugh at the whole situation!

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