Tag Archives: infidelity

To Cheat or not to Cheat!!!

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When one cheats, someone always gets hurt

This morning you made me cry
Not because something was stuck in my eye,
but because I realized you were interested in another guy
It started off as innocent conversation and jokes between a mutual friend and I
But I soon got caught up and began to entice
My mind wandered with thoughts of what could be, and no sooner creeped the thoughts of infidelity
My thoughts they were stronger now, plaguing my brain all the time
That no later had I seen her face, had I wished for a sweet embrace
I could no longer tell which girl was mine to be faithful to,
Mine to hold dear and true
Soon my true love or what she should have been
Caught a hint that someway, somehow, I had grown distant
She pondered, she questioned, and tried as hard as she could
To please me in anyway that was imaginable
But you see my brain so confused by what started out as innocent
Could not give her a hint of my allegiance
To our love, our story, our happily ever after
So she sat there sad and alone wondering what If she too found some new attracter
Slowly but surely she drifted away, this is when I started wondering had I made a mistake?
Entertaining all that The Lord had not ordained
My, my, my why did I have to start that conversation with my buddy that day
Now what was once a happy home has a distorted end
I’ve lost my love, I’ve lost my wife, I’ve lost my true happy end
All because I because I just had to entertain my friend.

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Many have experienced the emotional pain that devolves from infidelity or a cheating partner. If you choose to be in a relationship, you do stand the risk of getting hurt, but some hurts can be avoided. When two people commit to be in a relationship, they undertake the obligation and expectation of being faithful to each other. Being faithful requires a little more than the words, “I will be faithful” but more so requires great action and responsibility on the part of each partner. For instance, if I were to see an attractive man, and I see him actively trying to engage me with his eyes, I avoid eye contact and try to get as far away as possible just like my boy Joseph did in the face of great temptation with Potiphar’s wife. In some cases, one might find themselves actively staring at an attractive person, to you I would say avoid this! Simply program your mind not to look so hard, besides it being rude, such an action is just the beginning of the future manifestations of our sinful nature. 

God’s word already warns us of the consequences of such actions. In Matthew 5:28- But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. We must be careful what we allow our minds to dwell upon because, soon our thoughts turn into actions. I know you may think this is easier said than done, but if you take a step back, and really think about how much you value your spouse, partner, girlfriend, or boyfriend, and your relationship, you will not do anything or think anything that would threaten to destroy such. Before you take the step down the narrow winding road of infidelity think of the expected end, it never ends well. In the other hand, if you are the type of person whose eyes can’t help but stray, it just might be best for you to stay single. As the good book says, “do unto others as you would like them to do unto you,” – Luke 6:31. So my friends today I say go forth and flirt…not with anyone else but with your partner, do a double-take when you look at him/her, remind yourself of why you are with him/her, admire your partner’s physical attributes and say to them (and mean it), “Babe I’m hot for you and you only!”

Love, Ms. B

P.S. Please take our poll about infidelity below. It is anonymous. 

 

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Confessions Part II

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One of the worst feelings to have in a relationship is the betrayal when you’ve found out you’ve been cheated on. Then comes the paranoia: Why did she cheat? Should I leave him? Who is that calling up her phone? Why is he late getting home? Who is that liking her picture on Facebook? Why did he dress up to go to the gym? Where did she get that bracelet? You can seriously send yourself bat-crap-crazy!!

So what do you do when you’ve been cheated on?

Forgive

Once the cat is out the bag, the first things  you NEED to do is forgive the cheater. Jesus commanded us to forgive and purely with the desire to obey we should forgive… despite anger, bitterness, hurt, resentment and sadness.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

Failure to forgive will make you bitter (Hebrews 12:14-15) and worse, cuts off God’s forgiveness of your own sins.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)

Decide if to continue the relationship or call it quits

Ask yourself these questions about the situation:

Has he/she cheated on you (or someone else) before?
If your answer is yes, I wouldn’t stick around. Serial cheating is a clear indication that your significant other neither respects nor loves you as he/she should and has a problem.

Was it intentional cheating?
Someone who sets out to cheat on you is just asking to be dumped… and have their windscreen bashed; Although, as decent Christian folk we should let God deal with them and not go around setting fire to their belongings a la Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale!

Both the serial cheater and the intentional cheater consciously make the decision to cheat. They are self-centred and not Christ-centred and you have no reason to stay with them unless they intend to change. As Maya Angelou once said “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”.

What if your boyfriend/girlfriend made a genuine mistake?
This is what I like to call opportunistic cheating. The opportunistic cheater displays  uncharacteristic selfishness, which is usually a sympton of a deeper problem in the relationship. It’s harder to make a decision in this case. Definitely you should pray about the situation. Do not make any decisions while angry (Psalm 37:8). Listen to God and NOT to your wavering feelings or emotions. Remember feelings change day by day, while the Word of God stays the same.

If you decide to stay, diagnose the cheating behaviour and prevent it

Sometimes it is as easy as talking to your significant other. When I was cheated on, I simply asked him what happened. He said all he wanted to do was talk to someone. In this situation, the diagnosis was communication problems. We had an argument and instead of talking to each other, we talked to other people. He talked to his female friend and unfortunately she fed him emotionally, she gave him what he needed … and more. There were no ill intentions but the opportunity produced itself. Since then I have vowed not to talk to another guy about my man problems unless he is a relative. And I asked my boyfriend to promise me the same.

Finally you have to move on

Moving on is easier said than done. Trust has been broken and has to be repaired. This will take time. Don’t bring up his/her past indiscretions when you have a fight, or constantly hold it over their head to manipulate them. People like to say “forgive and forget”. The truth is you will never erase the event from your mind but you can definitely treat your boyfriend/girlfriend like you did. The Lord promised us that he will forgive us and “remember our sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). And as our best model of behaviour we must try as well to forgive and move on.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Love,

Angie