Tag Archives: mixed signals

Should I make the first move: I don’t even chase my shots, what makes you think I’ll chase after you?

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In the cat and mouse game of boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, and they live happily ever after, we see that the gentleman tends to be the protagonist, it is rarely ever girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, and then they live happily ever after. I stress the importance of looking at this traditional model of how a couple comes to be, because it seems that our ladies want to take charge of what should be male dominated and motivated chase for love. If a guy is interested in you, you won’t have to do anything, he will let you know, it is innate in a man to hunt and that characteristic does not only apply to hunting for food, but also with respect to hunting for the woman who will be his life long mate. Ladies, men enjoy the hunt, the chase, the pursuit of their female counterparts, some are even more motivated after having been rejected. The male species accepts the challenge presented to them when their particular love interest does not give into their charming words and suave demeanor so easily, rather it puts them on alert, they feel challenged to step their game up, and this is when they tend to show their best hand. Besides wouldn’t you prefer a man that thinks you are worth it enough to work hard to get your attention? I say if he is not willing to make the effort, then he certainly is not worth my time. God instructs us,”Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.” – Ecclesiastes 9:10. Given those words of wisdom, these men should very well know if they are pursuing a love interest, they should do so excellently (yes that’s a word). So ladies don’t waste your time trying to win the affections of a man who does not even notice you, instead continue to grow into a virtuous woman, complete with all the Godly characteristics which The Lord requires of you so you can be the wife and companion God desires you to be. Remember, the right plan forced to happen at the wrong time, could turn out to be a disaster  re: Abraham and Sarah.

                                                      

Let’s do a case study of some successful unions of long ago:

When it was time for Isaac to marry, he didn’t go, but he sent his servant loaded with fine gifts, silver and gold to present to his wife to be, he sent his servant to proclaim his intentions and explain his family’s background and reputation as servants of God, his servant made it clear  that God had led him to her. Important to note is that Rebekah and her family were impressed by such an elaborate proposal but more so by the fact that this was God-directed more than anything else, so she said yes. Upon their return Isaac greeted her and immediately they were married (Genesis 24)

 

Now let’s look at Jacob and Rachel, this was a man who really loved a woman, you know the song says “When a man loves a woman, he’ll trade the world for the good thing he’s found.” Well Jacob traded 14 years of hard labor to be able to marry Rachel even after her father duped him into marrying her sister. His love for her was so great that fourteen years seemed like days (Genesis 29). What a labor of love! Now that’s a man who showed true determination and effort to win the love of his life. If Jacob could do all of that, why would you…yes I’m talking to you women out there, settle for less??? Stop letting these men who make no effort to impress, pursue, or woo, and who bring nothing to the table, come into your hearts. In the words of Sweet brown “ain’t nobody got time for that!”

 

Last but not least we explore the joining of Ruth and Boaz. Boaz was a kind and thoughtful man, he showed Ruth great kindness as she worked in his fields, he provided her water when she was thirsty, food when she was hungry, and protection as she worked. He even took the time to learn about her and her family’s history. Boaz showed himself to be an honorable man, first talking to the other suitors of Ruth before pursuing her himself, he let them know he was serious, and that he intended to marry her (Ruth1-4). There was nothing shady about Boaz, he kept true to his word, he did not tell Ruth one thing in the dark then profess something contrary to the public; rather he stood by what he said and took care of the woman he thought to be virtuous and worthy of his love.

So ladies, do not undervalue yourselves, you are a child of the king thus you are a princess and should be treated as such. If a gentleman is genuinely interested in you and has good intentions for beginning and maintaining a relationship with you, he knows what he has to do. Do not be fooled, even players know how to treat a woman right, they just choose not to. So bottom line DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS, because we all know anything worth having requires hard work. 

Love Ms. B