Tag Archives: Relationship

To Cheat or not to Cheat!!!

Standard

20131029-114408.jpg
When one cheats, someone always gets hurt

This morning you made me cry
Not because something was stuck in my eye,
but because I realized you were interested in another guy
It started off as innocent conversation and jokes between a mutual friend and I
But I soon got caught up and began to entice
My mind wandered with thoughts of what could be, and no sooner creeped the thoughts of infidelity
My thoughts they were stronger now, plaguing my brain all the time
That no later had I seen her face, had I wished for a sweet embrace
I could no longer tell which girl was mine to be faithful to,
Mine to hold dear and true
Soon my true love or what she should have been
Caught a hint that someway, somehow, I had grown distant
She pondered, she questioned, and tried as hard as she could
To please me in anyway that was imaginable
But you see my brain so confused by what started out as innocent
Could not give her a hint of my allegiance
To our love, our story, our happily ever after
So she sat there sad and alone wondering what If she too found some new attracter
Slowly but surely she drifted away, this is when I started wondering had I made a mistake?
Entertaining all that The Lord had not ordained
My, my, my why did I have to start that conversation with my buddy that day
Now what was once a happy home has a distorted end
I’ve lost my love, I’ve lost my wife, I’ve lost my true happy end
All because I because I just had to entertain my friend.

20131029-114359.jpg

Many have experienced the emotional pain that devolves from infidelity or a cheating partner. If you choose to be in a relationship, you do stand the risk of getting hurt, but some hurts can be avoided. When two people commit to be in a relationship, they undertake the obligation and expectation of being faithful to each other. Being faithful requires a little more than the words, “I will be faithful” but more so requires great action and responsibility on the part of each partner. For instance, if I were to see an attractive man, and I see him actively trying to engage me with his eyes, I avoid eye contact and try to get as far away as possible just like my boy Joseph did in the face of great temptation with Potiphar’s wife. In some cases, one might find themselves actively staring at an attractive person, to you I would say avoid this! Simply program your mind not to look so hard, besides it being rude, such an action is just the beginning of the future manifestations of our sinful nature. 

God’s word already warns us of the consequences of such actions. In Matthew 5:28- But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. We must be careful what we allow our minds to dwell upon because, soon our thoughts turn into actions. I know you may think this is easier said than done, but if you take a step back, and really think about how much you value your spouse, partner, girlfriend, or boyfriend, and your relationship, you will not do anything or think anything that would threaten to destroy such. Before you take the step down the narrow winding road of infidelity think of the expected end, it never ends well. In the other hand, if you are the type of person whose eyes can’t help but stray, it just might be best for you to stay single. As the good book says, “do unto others as you would like them to do unto you,” – Luke 6:31. So my friends today I say go forth and flirt…not with anyone else but with your partner, do a double-take when you look at him/her, remind yourself of why you are with him/her, admire your partner’s physical attributes and say to them (and mean it), “Babe I’m hot for you and you only!”

Love, Ms. B

P.S. Please take our poll about infidelity below. It is anonymous. 

 

So she’s not a virgin….

Standard

Many times, when I go on Christian websites, the “abstinence before marriage” message is front and center. However, this advice precludes a presumably large group of Christians like me that I will refer to as ” the unmarried non-virgins”. In the context of this blog post, unmarried non-virgins are those unmarried Christians who have given up their virginity and even continued to have sex in the past, but have now repented and  become celibate until marriage.

After browsing a few Christian forums I think this group has been unfairly targeted by those who have kept their virginity. In this post I want to address a few of their most common negative comments.

Marriage

White space

“I will never marry someone who isn’t a virgin”

This statement puts too much focus on the sexual aspect of a marriage. There’s so much more involved in choosing a mate and so much more to having a successful marriage. The most important things are that he/she is a true, practising Christian, loves you as God defines love, and has a desire to obey God. A past indiscretion is no reason to discount a person who has already been forgiven by God and who is presently living the way God intended. Besides, EVERYONE has past indiscretions because no one is perfect (Romans 3:23). If you are a virgin and blessed with a significant other who has the above qualities, acknowledge that they have a past, but forgive them, and remember … “love will cover a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8.

White space

“I kept myself pure, I expect the same…
we must be equally yoked”

I can fully understand this viewpoint in terms of mutual virginity. However, I believe it is a perversion of what is taught in the Bible about being equally yoked.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

The Bible speaks of those with the same beliefs, not the same experiences, as being equally yoked. There are so many examples where God used people whose past actions are seedy. For example, one of the greatest redemption stories of all time is the reformation of the persecutor Saul to the apostle Paul (Acts 9:1-19). My advice to a virgin in this situation is to be an imitator of God (Ephesians 5:1-2) and do not hold the past against the person (Psalms 25:7). Further, know that this person has made an effort to “keep themselves pure” since recognizing the error of their ways despite it being truly difficult to resist the temptations of the flesh they have already experienced.

White space

“I want the person I marry to be the first, the one and only”

Again I can understand how one will feel knowing they are not “the first”; how will one “rank” amongst all the other partners their wife/husband has had in the past? I think the focus should be on the fact that the person who is marrying you chose you to be their one and only life partner. The last thing on their mind when the marriage is consummated is going to be ranking you against Martha from high school or Brian from college who bear no significance on their current life.

Our responsibility as Christian non-virgins

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not removing all responsibility from the non-virgins. We must be compassionate and empathetic towards our virgin spouses. If they have hang-ups about our pasts, be understanding. Let them know that what is important is who you are now and Who you both serve now. Remind them that God, and not you (and your experience), will bring the intimacy into your marriage.

Finally, we need to forgive ourselves. There was some evidence of self-hate on those forums too! For example, I felt really hurt for a non-virgin who said that the virgin’s comments like the ones above made her feel “broken” and “unworthy of love”. As Christians, we must not succumb to the thought that “our sin is more than God can forgive”. No sin can separate us from the Love of God (Romans 8:38-39) and through His love we are forgiven (John 3:16).

Love,

Angie

More on this topic at Virgin Expectations (reneamac.com)

Quote

It’s been three months, three months of bliss – three months of pure undefiled happiness. Each moment reminds me of a day spent in paradise, and every time our eyes meet, I cannot imagine a day without you in my life. Slowly it grew, like a vine creeping and crawling, slithering into the heart and mind. A fondness, a feeling, a flame so famed by its well known alias ~ LOVE… but was the feeling and flame the same.

Was it truly love?


I sure thought that it was. A love that formed its roots within the deep recesses of my heart, a love so unexpected, so unique, that I couldn’t tell the end from the start. It certainly was something of an enigma – unknown, uncontrolled, uncanny, unmatched. From sweet slumber I’d rise feeling inexplicable delight knowing that you sir was a part of my life. Smiling every day, feeling no pangs of pain, numb to disappointment, in fact there was no hurtful thing to come my way and if it did, I wouldn’t know its name – for to me before you, life was just mundane.

Oh such a sweet romance, gently idling by the phone listening for your special ring tone, hearkening to your heavenly voice, everything you said was gold, blocking out the world’s noise. Plans made creating pockets of time that could only be shared with you, these would soon become memories to reflect upon when we’d say our “I do’s”. It’s been three months, three months of moonlit walks, and candle lit kisses, savory foods and delectable dishes. It’s amazing how much we’ve connected over the meals shared in spots that are now more to us than just the places that supplied our fare, yes much more, they’ve become a notch on the timeline of our love.

It’s been three months, three months since our first kiss shared in the dark of the universe where there was only us, and I knew, I knew it was true because for me, you were more than a dream, you were the epitomy of what it meant to be a soulmate – you were a soul-me. Three months, three months since I first noticed the way my legs twitched every time I felt your lips. It’s been three months, three months since you showed me what a gentleman truly was, a man who would lift me off my feet just so they wouldn’t have to touch the scuzzy streets. It’s been three months, three months since I first knew what it felt like to be wrapped in the arms of a man who truly knows how to love… three months. Three months and you wait till the clock is about to strike midnight less two on the eve of the new year that crashes through, and you say as you look into my eyes and hold me tight in your arms, “Will you be my boo?” and I respond “Yes” but was I just unleashing the storm all because I chase after the one?

Is he “the one?”

All that’s been said without a mention of God, not a gentle prayer whispered or a request for guidance whistled, no… just an uninterrupted spiral of sentimentalism over the man who seems to glisten. Is he truly the one when there’s no time left to consult with God about the one whom the heart He (the creator) gave you, craves for? THE ONE who made you, who knew you before He formed you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5), THE ONE who knows what’s best for you, is  THE ONE whom you deprive of telling you whom you should allow into your life.  God is THE ONE who can help you choose, who knows the inner workings of “the one” you claim is for you. Without His direction, this connection is destined to fail, so save yourself the heartache and please let God’s will prevail. Do not make the mistake of the many before you, mistaking “THE ONE” – Your heavenly Father, for the “the one” – a mere man. Let THE ONE true God lead you to finding “the one” i.e. the helpmeet Jesus-picked and chosen for you – that’s when you will experience true bliss –pure and undefiled happiness. This is the only way you will know a love so true!

Here are  some great articles  you should check out!

~How to Find True Love~

~Grain of Faith Blog~

Love well

Always,

Ms. B

T.H.E O.N.E Part 2